It’s an easy feeling to come across.
Right now I’m attempting to make it into the world on online blogging and vlogging, and it’s easy for me to sit here watching YouTube videos for “inspiration” but quite often what happens is I start comparing myself and questioning my ability to make the step forward.
The huge and overwhelming fear of what will people think of me? What will my friends and acquaintances think of me? It’s so much easier to sit at home and not chase my dream. I’ve been wanting to make videos for about 2 years now and not had the courage. I made excuses about lack of equipment and other things.
What strangers might think, I don’t mind so much. I know online bullying exists but that’s a post for another day.
I just need to leap. I have loads of partially edited footage but I’m too scared to make that first step. There’s something about the whole thing that feels very vain, but that’s not why I’m doing it. I don’t think so highly of myself.
Sometimes I question my motivation and my drive. Am I just driven by the idea of making money at this? That scares me. It’s a long slog to get to the point I know.
But no. It’s the lifestyle. It’s the freedom, and the sense of possibility. It’s finding small ways to be useful to other people but trying to be that voice they can trust. And it’s creativity and giving back.
I have wasted too much of my twenties essentially waiting for opportunity to come and find me. It’s time for me to have courage, and be.
I am an artist, I am a makeup lover, I am a person who is still trying to find her voice and I am an explorer.
“I see pride. I see power. I see a bad-ass mother, who don’t take no crap off of nobody!”